Why special needs parents don’t have time for BS and we aren’t sorry about it……

Let me start by saying I do not expect to live by different rules because my family was dealt a different hand. I do not expect nor want to be coddled because my day may seem a little bit harder than others. With that being said, when someone says they will be somewhere, help with something, support an awareness event - I expect just that.

Even though people may not recognize it, special needs parents are burnt out.

We have no choice but to function at our “A” game all of the time, we truly are not left with another option. There are no “free passes” or “dropped balls” allowed in our life. Everything must be researched, scheduled and executed seamlessly otherwise the consequences can be severe and long term.

It may be that I am a little harder than I once was, a little less patient with halfass friends and family. When I say special needs parents do not have time for BS, what I mean is our days are full. Full of meetings, evaluations, specialists, and therapies as well as our jobs, children, spouses, houses, pets and whatever else being a “regular” adult requires. So when we have people around us that are taking that little bit of energy we have left and wasting it – watch out. For us, a coffee date, brunch, concert or *gasp* a night out with our spouse is a full blown act of Congress performed by circus clowns with 9 million moving parts and riddled with anxiety. So when we find ourselves around people only making things more difficult don’t shocked if you see us cut those people off. We literally aren’t interested in the BS.

Part of what makes the picture so clear and the tolerance so low is that we have people who show up, who ask about our children, who genuinely care how we are doing and get what we mean when we say “I am tired” or “ I am okay.” Unbeknownst to them, they have raised the bar for our friendships. They help keep our emotional cup stable, and remind us that it’s okay to just be ‘us’. Sometimes being ‘us’ isn’t so pretty, truly you must be a strong individual to be part of our lives. It’s kind of a requirement.

I have recently decided special needs parents almost seek each other out. We can smell our own kind - we are guarded, somewhat defensive, unbelievably tired, and totally incapable of tolerating BS. Yet, if you get past all of that we are some of the most loving, giving, genuine, amazing people that I have ever had the opportunity to meet. And we all show up for our friends. We are there for one another regardless if it is online or in person we know how badly we each need someone who gets ‘it’ or gets ‘us’. So if you find yourself being dismissed or pushed aside by a special needs parent understand, it is nothing personal, we truly just do not have any interest in your BS.